Adrien is my sister...not by choice, but by law

Adrien is my sister...not by choice, but by law. Sweet Adrien decided that I am somewhat funny. So, to satisfy her, I started this blog. Whether you will laugh or find me interesting, I can't predict, but no matter what you get out of this blog, just remember...Adrien Made Me Do It!!















Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Dog Days of ... Never!!


This Christmas, we welcomed home an 18lb lab/golden retriever puppy named Madeline, Maddie for short. She is a beautiful and smart dog that anyone would be happy to say they owned. Unless, you're me.

My daughter, Avery, the cute one there in the pic with the glasses, has wanted a dog for as long as I can remember. Obsessively so. I have always told her "no", we are not voluntarily getting another mouth to feed and butt to wipe. I refuse. But my father-in-law had other ideas.
You see, he has 4 "yappers" at home. One poodle, aka the ugliest, most annoying dog God ever gave life to, and 3 yorkies. The kind that look like Cousin It. Disgusting. They are freaky. It's as if the wigs and Mona's House of Hair came to life and are now free to roam around the house yapping and sniffing and licking and crapping and peeing and...I digress. Anyway, the point is, he didn't get my point. He thought that it would be a wonderful idea to get the kids a dog. "Every kid needs a dog. It's a rite of passage in childhood." Puh-lease. I did not have a dog growing up and I am a well adjusted adult. Thank you very much.

So, I learn of this dog about 3 weeks before Christmas and am then put in the position of being a total 'B' and denying my children this momentous event in their young lives. Blah, blah, blah. Whatever. But after some soul-searching and prayer and just pretty much getting over myself and all my reservations, wants and sanity, I agree. However, the conditions were this: the kids take excellent care of the dog, or she goes back to Papaw, the dog costs me no more than a couple hundred dollars for shots, wormer and fixing, or she goes back to Papaw, the dog becomes a live-in terrorist and she will...GO BACK TO PAPAW!! So, all of the parties involved agreed to my terms and...lo and behold, I actually began to get excited for this new arrival. Mind you, I was accepting this critter, sight unseen.

The kids finally get the dog and I'm thinking that I might end up in the emergency room later that evening when my daughter goes into cardiac arrest. She screamed and turned the color of an overripe tomato. I have never seen her so excited. She couldn't believe that even though Santa had failed her, Papaw came through and got her a dog. He also bought them new bikes, clothes and toys. Ahem, somebody wanted to be Papaw #1 for a change and he succeeded.
I expected some turbulence at first. After all, the dog is just a baby, really. There would no doubt be some accidents, but I had prepared myself for the worst. So, the first few days go as I had anticipated. She does her business in every room of the house and I am at my wits end when finally, she gets it. After given some tips from a few friends, we actually trained her a bit. She sleeps through the night and she rings a bell at the door when she needs to go out and stops doing something when I tell her 'no'. I'll give it to her, she is one smart girl.

Now, here's how stupid I am. I have control issues and this dog doesn't get that. She doesn't know that I am on a schedule and I need her to get up in the morning and pee and poop and eat and leave the rest of us alone. She refuses to get on board with this routine and it is driving me nuts. When I take her out because she has just wrung the bell for the hundredth time in a matter of an hour, she should just drop it like it's hot and get back in the house. I mean, after all, it is 20 degrees outside and there seems to constantly be snow to trek through. But, no. She wants the grand tour of the yard during each outing. Why does she need to sniff around for 20 minutes just to drop a load or pee? Really?! Come on already!! I figure on average she wastes about 47 minutes of my life that I can never get back. And then there is the ringing of the bell just to go outside. She is abusing the bell and I want to abuse her!! It chaps my tale to get all wrapped up in my winter weather gear just to go outside and stare at the streetlight. And the worst part is that I find myself telling the dog off during these wasted moments. I think that I am a reasonably intelligent person, but I have, on more than one occassion, loudly and forcefully enunciated the word "potty" in hopes that she'll just freaking pee. Did some insane part of my brain think that if I spoke more clearly she would squat and get it over with?

She's a bitch but, the kids love her. Absolutely love her and I will admit that she is probably the cutest dog I've seen. I'm just waiting for the day when she is content with lying around with no desire to exist for hours on end and only pees 3 times a day. I suppose at that point the children will be in college and there will be no need for her presence. Ain't that the way...

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Film Festival: Off the Beaten Box Office

I love movies. Funny ones, romantic ones, action packed-blow stuff up ones, but not scary ones. If I were to host a film festival, these would be on the marque:


1. LARS & THE REAL GIRL


You absolutely cannot go wrong with Ryan Gosling. I believe he is probably the best actor of our generation. No matter what role he plays, he is fantastic. The character of Lars is no exception. It is my fave Ryan Gosling flick and that's saying a lot because I LOVE the Notebook. He is beyond charming as the anti-social younger brother of a father-to-be and his young bride. When Lars comes home with a blow-up sex doll he believes to be real, hilarity ensues. The way his family and the community usher Lars through his psychotic episode is endearing and inspiring.








2. DEATH AT A FUNERAL


I listen to Bob & Sheri on the radio most mornings and I trust Lamar's judgement on movie reviews. He was reviewing the American version of Death at a Funeral and said that it was funny, but it paled in comparison to the original British version. After seeing both for myself, I have to agree whole-heartedly. I don't know if it's their accents or the subtlety with which they deliver lines, but I'm telling you now that I didn't see a funnier movie all summer. If I were Lamar, I would give it a 'six pack'!!






3. JUNO

Ellen Paige
+ Michael Cera
+ Jason Bateman

= Cinematic Perfection

I would like to start a petition to get Ellen Paige a guest spot on Glee as Sue Sylvester's long lost child. She is so dry and witty. i just love her delivery, no bun...er, pun, intended. I just like the way this movie depicts a teenage pregnancy. It doesn't always have to be an "after school special" scenario. Life worked out alright for everyone in the end. It doesn't always, but it can.

4. LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE

Family road trip to get a very cute, very naive, very loved little girl to a pageant. Along the way, they experience a loss that would have any other family tucking their tails and running home. You fall in love with every member and you are inspired at the end to love people for who they are despite your differences. Though I thoroughly enjoy the character played by Steve Carrell, I actually liked the teenage son the most. He spends the majority of the movie hating everyone in his family and having little to no respect for his parents. He won't even bother himself with speaking to a single member of the family. However, by the end of the trip, he comes to realize that he is right where he belongs. Delightfully entertaining.






Monday, January 17, 2011

Different Differences






















Ron Hall and Denver Moore are two very extraordinarily ordinary people that I would love to meet. Ron is a fine arts dealer and Denver is a formerly homeless, modern-day slave. With the provisions that God made in their lives through Ron's wife, Deborah, they are now the best of friends and co-authors of the books - "Same Kind of Different as Me" and "What Difference Do It Make?". Their story is like no other that I've heard. The way their lives intersect and the miracles that happen when someone hears their tale is beyond belief. It has reminded me of what I already knew - "Every moment of my life has a purpose." God has a plan. A well-thought intricate plan for my life and everyone else's. The struggles and pain that we go through lead us to a place where we are stronger and wiser. Our suffering may be the beginnings of someone else's healing. When tradgedy strikes or disappointments are presented, somehow it all works together for the greater good. If you have never heard Ron and Denver's story, do yourself an enormous favor and read it. Prepare yourself to be inspired.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

P O'ed @ the PC

Okay, so...I'm back. I've gotten the internet back at home after at least 3 years. It wasn't my choice. My husband thinks it is necessary for the family, easier to communicate with email, blah, blah, blah. Anyway, I was against it. I have the internet at work and I am able to access the web at any time during my work day and that's enough for me. I used to play on the internet a lot and then...I matured. I just don't find it all that entertaining anymore. I am a germaphobe in real life ( to an extent, it's not like I take meds to keep it under control ), so it only stands to reason that I believe that my laptop will without a doubt be invaded with some sort of crippling virus because I logged on to check my email or download a coupon. Anyway, the only thing that made me happy about getting the internet at home was that I can begin blogging again. I could rant and rave to my heart's content about whatever wandered through the windy streets of my brain. Unfortunately, when I sat down to purge about the fact that I have been cursed with a dog for the holidays, I couldn't get the picture uploaded to the post!!!! Arrrggghhh!!! So, until I can get that to work, my doggy dillema is on hold. Frustration is not a strong enough word. Why do I even bother?

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